Protecting Kids From A Hard World: How Much Truth Is Enough?

ADvTECH Group • March 3, 2022

White lies wrestle with brutal truths as parents try to protect children from the truth and harm whilst navigating the limits of honesty.

Childhood is manufactured as a time of innocence and purity. For many lucky children, their early years are filled with unconditional love as well as food, shelter and education.

However, we don’t live in vacuums, and one day, probably sooner than you’d like, your child will bump up against hard facts. Nothing sweeps the mist from a soft-focus view of childhood faster than your eight-year-old asking: “Mom, what’s an alcoholic?”, “Why doesn’t Santa Claus bring the homeless man a house for Christmas?” or “Where did Sipho’s Daddy go?”

Ideal, meet real

It’s entirely normal to want to save children from negative emotions, especially if your child is anxious or sensitive. But the brutal truth is, you can’t, certainly not forever.

Every person’s journey towards becoming a well-rounded and emotionally intelligent adult involves positive reinforcement of the belief that the world is a fundamentally good and kind place. However, there are disillusioning experiences that demonstrate that sometimes, it’s not. How to balance building trust by being honest with young children, while wanting to preserve some of the magic of childhood, is something many parents struggle with.

It's a balance

The tooth fairy, Easter bunny and Father Christmas are all “lies”, but so are fairies and invisible friends, things children believe in all by themselves without adult intervention. In fact, research shows children in the preoperational stage of development have a magical world view, which they will eventually surrender without trauma in a child-friendly way by themselves, too. The famous psychologist Jean Piaget thought that children developed magical thinking during the period aged 2-7 and relinquished it by about age 10.

(Do you still avoid stepping on cracks even though you rationally know it can do no harm? There’s your remnant of childhood magical thinking. Treasure it.)

Seen this way, the tooth fairy isn’t a lie. It’s a caring parent’s attempt to meet a child in their developmental stage and share their reality.

Is Santa real?

“He is, but not in the way you think, and now that you’re grown up enough, I can tell you.

Santa is a children’s word for the love we feel when we wrap gifts and the excitement in children’s eyes when they open them. To me, that’s magic. Now that you know the truth, you graduate and can become one of Santa’s helpers. That’s what I believe, anyway.”

The big stuff

If you have the luxury of debating what truths to expose your child to and from what to shelter them, you are in a better position than a mother who does not have food to feed her child tonight. But in South Africa, with our world-beating levels of inequality, evidence of need is on every street corner. The world is not perfect, and your children know it.

Rather than deny or abstractify the problem you may prefer to be the change you want to see.

Let your child see you giving donations or volunteering, or engaging in political life and civic action such as voting or marching. This avoids a head-in-the-sand approach and substitutes it with the idea that humanity has the agency to improve our own condition. You can counterbalance evidence of our failures with examples of global progress.

For example, reducing global poverty and child labour and improvements in women’s rights and basic education levels since the Industrial Revolution (or other examples that resonate with you).

The fact that child abuse is endemic, however, means parents cannot afford not to talk about this ugly truth with their children.

Without creating panic, your children need to understand how they can keep safer. You can choose the path of partial truth here. In child-friendly ways, practice role-playing getting out of dangerous situations. For example:

“Show me how loudly you can scream if somebody tries to take you away” or “If you’re lost in a shop, look for a lady with children and ask her to help.”

Plan what you would do as a family in a hijacking or home invasion without coming off as a paranoid survivalist. Consider empowering yourself first via a hijacking or armed robbery survival course (hijack.co.za offers one). Modelling strength and agency is more reassuring to children than glib promises of safety or false denials of danger.

Take a more measured approach if you are facing challenges in your personal life, such as battling a mental health condition, spousal abuse, divorce or other trauma. Acknowledging that you have big stuff going on is always better for your child than denial. This can lead a young person to doubt themselves, and is even worse for them. Seek professional help such as a family therapist for you and your child if you can.

The good news is that you don’t have to be a perfect parent all the time.

So, forgive yourself for times when you cannot shield your child from hardship. The fact that you are reading this means you care. Not all parents do. And that’s the most important part of all.

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Be mindful of mental health: building wellness, resilience, action and purpose in our families

By Laura Barrett • October 10, 2025

By Laura Barrett, Intern Counselling Psychologist at Trinityhouse Glenvista Each year on 10 October , the world pauses to recognise World Mental Health Day, a reminder that mental well-being is not just an individual concern, but a shared responsibility among families, schools, and communities. As an Educational Psychologist working closely with children and families, I have seen first-hand how early conversations about mental health can change the course of a young person’s life. When emotional well-being is acknowledged and nurtured from a young age, children are better equipped to handle life’s challenges with confidence and resilience. Why conversations about mental health matter? Mental health is not a “grown-up” topic, it’s a human one. If children are not taught about emotions and coping mechanisms early on, they may grow into adults who struggle to manage stress, relationships, or change. Talking openly about feelings, naming emotions, and learning healthy coping strategies are all part of developing emotional literacy. These are the tools that help children and adults stay grounded through the ups and downs of life. At Trinityhouse, together with the world earlier this year, we explored the WRAP framework: Wellness, Resilience, Action and Purpose, a simple yet powerful approach to supporting children’s mental well-being. Each pillar plays a role in creating emotional stability and balance, not only for children but also for the families guiding them. Wellness begins with the basics. Adequate sleep, good nutrition, hydration, and rest may sound simple, but they lay the foundation for emotional regulation. A well-rested, nourished child is far more likely to cope effectively with daily stressors. Being mindful of mental health also involves small, practical steps like taking a few deep breaths before a stressful test or stretching during homework breaks. For adults, this might mean pausing for a cup of tea, taking a short walk, or simply naming what you’re feeling in the moment. Labelling emotions (“I feel anxious about this meeting”) helps calm the mind and re-engage rational thinking. Resilience isn’t about “always being strong.” It’s about learning to recover and grow after setbacks. Parents and teachers can nurture resilience by giving children space to express their struggles without judgement, then helping them explore possible solutions. When a child faces disappointment, a poor test result or a conflict with a friend, remind them of times they’ve overcome challenges before. Ask: “What helped you last time?” This reflective process empowers children to see themselves as capable problem-solvers, rather than passive victims of circumstance. Positive mental health requires active engagement, not just awareness. For families, this can mean creating calm, structured environments where children feel safe and heard. The Positive Parenting framework offers five helpful practices to support this: Empathy : Validate your child’s emotions instead of dismissing them. “I can see you’re upset about your toy” goes further than “Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal.” Positive Reinforcement : Celebrate effort and progress, no matter how small. A star chart or extra family time can be simple yet powerful motivators. Consistent Boundaries : Predictable routines and clear consequences make children feel secure. Boundaries should be calm, firm, and fair. Open Communication : Create family moments for honest sharing. Ask, “What was the best part of your day?” and really listen to the answer. Co-regulation : Young children often mirror their parents’ emotions. When you model calmness through deep breathing or gentle reassurance you teach them to regulate their own feelings. A sense of purpose is vital for both adults and children. It gives meaning to our actions and connects us to something larger than ourselves. Encourage children to explore hobbies and interests that bring them joy and fulfilment, whether it’s art, sport, volunteering, or spending time outdoors. These pursuits help build identity, confidence, and belonging. For parents, purpose can come from nurturing both their children’s and their own mental health. The saying “You cannot pour from an empty cup” is particularly true here. When parents take care of themselves, physically, mentally, and emotionally, they model balance and self-respect for their children. Recognising when a child is struggling Even with the best support, children can experience emotional challenges. Warning signs may include withdrawal from friends, sudden changes in sleep or appetite, irritability, or declining motivation. These can indicate stress, anxiety, or burnout. If you notice these signs, open a gentle conversation: “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately. Would you like to talk about it?” Sometimes, simply being heard is the first step toward healing. Continuing the conversation The most inspiring shift in recent years is how openly young people now speak about mental health. Many no longer see anxiety, sadness, or stress as weaknesses but as part of the human experience. This honesty offers hope for a more empathetic, emotionally literate generation. On this World Mental Health Day , let’s extend that conversation beyond schools and into our homes. Let’s practise a WRAP culture together by building Wellness, Resilience, Action and Purpose not only in our children’s lives but in our own. At Trinityhouse , we believe education extends beyond academics, it’s about nurturing the heart and mind. By fostering open dialogue, emotional awareness, and resilience, we aim to create an environment where every child feels seen, supported, and empowered to thrive. When families make mental health a daily priority, we don’t just raise stronger children, we raise a kinder, calmer and more connected generation.

Helping your child make smart subject choices: a guide for South African parents

September 10, 2025

One of the most significant academic decisions your child will make in their school career is which subjects to select. For many South African families, it can feel like a daunting task filled with pressure, uncertainty, and long-term consequences. But with the right support, tools, and guidance, parents can help their children make well-informed decisions that set them up for future success, both academically and professionally. The foundation of good subject choices lies in understanding your child’s academic ability and current performance. Subjects like Mathematics, Physical Sciences, and Accounting require solid results in Grade 9 and a strong grasp of key concepts. Similarly, subjects like Engineering Graphics & Design (EGD) or Visual Arts cater to students with practical and creative aptitudes. Consider your child’s learning style: do they prefer theory, or do they thrive with hands-on learning? Although, it is normal to want what’s best for your child’s future, you should not force them to live up to your ideal of success. Rather initiate conversations about possible careers or areas of interest and explore how different subjects align with those pathways. Platforms like YENZA Careers are incredibly helpful in this regard. YENZA uses psychometric assessments to offer realistic subject recommendations based on your child’s strengths, interests, and potential career matches, and it gives parents access to the results too. “Choosing the right subjects is a balance of academic ability, interest, and long-term thinking,” says Sumari Purdon , Head of Academics for Trinityhouse Schools. “We encourage families to use this opportunity to start meaningful conversations about the future, with support from tools like YENZA and input from educators who know the student well.”