Alone time, disconnecting from the world and occasionally distancing yourself from others, these are often very normal and necessary practices for an anyone's wellbeing. As a parent, you understand the need and importance for your child to have sufficient alone or down time. However, how much solitude is too much and can constant isolation be attributed to feelings of loneliness?
Loneliness is a common and normal human feeling of sadness often caused by the lack of friends or company. However, is it normal for young children to feel lonely?
Feelings of loneliness are experienced by both adults and children but intense and constant feelings of loneliness can be concerning, especially in children.
“According to an article published on MentalHelp.net, An American Addiction Centers Resource, “It is becoming increasingly clear that many young children understand the concept of loneliness and report feeling lonely.”
A study conducted in 2018 by Office for National Statistics (ONS) found that “More than one-in-ten children have reported suffering loneliness and 11% of children surveyed reported that they were often lonely. Feelings of loneliness were most prevalent for kids aged between 10 and 12.”
What are the causes of loneliness?
There are various life events or circumstances that can commonly cause loneliness in children such as:
- Changing schools
- Divorce
- An older sibling leaving home
- Feeling rejected by peers
- Lacking social skills
- Being bullied
- Dealing with death in the family
- Being “single” when they have boyfriends or girlfriends
- Possessing personality traits such as low self-esteem, anxiety, shyness
Childhood loneliness
Childhood loneliness can be caused by “poor peer relationships” from a young age and can lead to difficulty in making friends or maintaining relationships later in life. Moreover, “feeling excluded can be damaging to a child’s self-esteem” and have various affects on a child’s behavior, including mental health.
A review in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (JAACAP) found “extensive evidence of an association between loneliness and an increased risk of mental health problems for children and young people.”
Loneliness & Mental Health
The Covid-19 pandemic and the need to isolate for weeks has had a major effect on adults and children’s mental health. According to a new review of existing evidence about childhood loneliness, “kids who were stuck at home, or away from school, for weeks or months during the pandemic could face mental health impacts, both now and in the future”.
The need to address symptoms of loneliness and other related mental health conditions such as anxiety are becoming greater as children are becoming more in tuned with their feelings form a younger age. This is to the extent that even popular children’s cartoons such as Adventure Time have now started tackling real life issues by creating episodes with
underlying themes of mental health conditions such as loneliness.
Prolonged feelings of loneliness can lead to Chronic Loneliness which is a mental health condition and “can occur when feelings of loneliness and social isolation go on for a long period of time”. Other long-term effects of loneliness can include,
difficulty sleeping, depression, anxiety, negative outlook on life, poor self-esteem, self-harm such as cutting or eating disorders.
Above all else, it is important that parents be extremely mindful of a child’s feelings and behaviors and find ways to address these feelings. There are many signs that your child could be struggling with loneliness and social anxiety, but it is important to know the difference between a child who likes to be alone and a child who is lonely.
How to tell if your child is lonely?
Often the most common and first signs of a lonely child is being very talkative. This is due to a child’s need for attention.
A child can seek attention in many ways, however, negative attention seeking commonly comes in the form of bad behavior and mischievousness. Children can often be disruptive and obnoxious in the classroom too.
Children who are lonely often struggle with low self-esteem and constantly seek validation and approval form those around them mainly from their peers.
Children who suffer from loneliness are often sad and cry for no reason. They experience many negative and overwhelming feelings in which they cannot explain.
- Retreats to their rooms for long periods of time
This may be more common in adolescents, however, children who are lonely often confine themselves to their rooms or places where they can be alone and completely avoid interacting with others.
They can create imaginary friends to fill the void of not having any friends and can commonly talk to themselves.
- Often timid, shy and unsure of themselves
Lonely children often have poor social skills and find it difficult to “fit in” which can lead to feeling rejected by their peers.
Some children may seek attention but many children who are lonely tend to retreat and isolate themselves from others. These kids often want to be in company, however, lack the social skills and confidence to socialize and make friends.
- Talks negatively about themselves
Kids who are lonely may not say it outright, however, they generally have quite a negative opinion of themselves such as “nobody likes me”, “I’m a failure”, “I don’t have any friends”. It is extremely important to pay attention to this behavior as it can be a plea for help.
How to help a child deal with loneliness
Overcoming loneliness is not a simple concept. However, parents who suspect that their child is struggling with loneliness can provide help in various ways:
1. Talk to your children about their feelings
Acknowledge your child’s feelings and try to understand what is causing them to feel this way. It is important not to dismiss these emotions.
2. Find out what your children are interested in
Talk to your child about what interests them and find activities, groups, or classes that they could join.
3. Encourage more outdoor activities
Urge your child to do more sports or exercise this is not only great for their bodies but for their minds too.
4. Limit screen time
Many kids who feel lonely may spend more time on their phones and the internet. However, Social media, pop culture and the internet in general can impact loneliness in a negative way. Not everything on the internet is positive and gaming can be an extremely unsociable activity.
5. Seek guidance from faith communities
Find out how your faith community can help, many faith communities offer prayer and worship groups for children. These groups can sometimes offer a sense of belonging.
6. Spend more time with family
Spending more time with immediate and extended family can encourage more socializing. During the Pandemic, find ways for children to socialize safely such as Face Time, or outdoor distanced gatherings.
7. Talk to your child’s teacher
Ask your child’s teacher to assist them in making friends or encouraging them to do group activities.
8. Seek professional help
Speaking to a therapist could help your child in addressing their feelings and with their social skills.
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Sources
https://www.jdch.com/blog/2020/05/7-ways-parents-can-help-kids-cope-with-loneliness
https://www.mentalhelp.net/child-development/loneliness-in-young-children/
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/adolescent-mental-health
https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/11/201119124626.htm
https://www.cigna.com/individuals-families/health-wellness/chronic-loneliness
https://theconversation.com/why-addressing-loneliness-in-children-can-prevent-a-lifetime-of-loneliness-in-adults-76248
https://mhanational.org/your-child-lonely-parents
https://www.enannysource.com/blog/index.php/2012/01/07/10-ways-to-tell-if-a-kid-is-lonely/
https://www.verywellmind.com/childhood-loneliness-and-mental-health-5079357
https://animationexamination.wordpress.com/2019/03/10/addressing-mental-illness-through-the-ice-king/
