The Pros and Cons of Having an Imaginary Friend | Trinityhouse

Shirley Edwards (Teacher at Trinityhouse Pre-Primary Randpark Ridge) • April 15, 2019

In preparation for writing this article, I turned to Google and found that there are many articles discussing children’s imaginary friends available on the internet. There is rarely a mention of cons, but plenty of pros and they all agree on some general information.

Are Imaginary Friends Real?

Children usually create an imaginary friend around the age of 3-4. This friend can stay with them for several years, but overall, they seem to disappear when the child is in the first year or two of primary school. There are instances where the friend remains as part of the child’s life further into primary school, but this is not the norm. First born children are more likely to have imaginary friends and it is slightly more common for girls to have imaginary friends.

They will grow up knowing the difference between reality and fantasy, just like their peers who do not have imaginary friends.

The friend may be a person, usually another child, an animal of some sort or the personification of a their favourite stuffed toy. They may even replace a real friend who lives far away.

Why do kids have imaginary friends?

There was a time when a child having an imaginary friend was seen as strange and in some way this reflected poor parenting skills. There was the feeling that the child must be lonely and socially inept.

Although parents may still feel a little uncomfortable or unsure of how to deal with the issue, it is generally accepted that having an imaginary friend is quite normal for a child. They may be there to help the child through a big transition in their lives, or just as a part of the child’s imaginative play. Recent research has shown that there is no real link between imaginary friends and mental health conditions such as schizophrenia or chronic loneliness.

Children with imaginary friends are usually socially well-adjusted and interact well with real-life friends.

Creative, imaginative play comes very easily to young children and listening to their conversations, it is quite common to hear something like;
“…and then you told me to go to the cupboard to fetch the cups”
“…and you fetched the cups and then you poured the tea”
“…and then I wanted some cake too”.

Children will make suggestions regarding the direction that the ‘game’ is heading in and there is usually someone who is the ‘boss of the game’. They are fully aware that what they are doing is a game, but they are able to discuss different behaviours and can test options with their friends. The child with an imaginary friend is engaging in the same activities, imagining how a friend might react or behave. While engaging with an imaginary friend, the child has the opportunity to take both sides of the situation into account and to express emotions and feelings that are not easy to express outside of that situation. They can test ideas and social skills, while being in complete control of the situation.

Children will sometimes test a parent’s reactions by telling them that “Georgie” says this or that, waiting to see if that is acceptable to the parent. They will even blame their imaginary friend if they have done something wrong or readily suggest that he was the one who made a mess in the room. It is a good idea not to over-react, but ensure that the imaginary friend also adheres to the morals and norms of the family. The child may need to ‘help’ their friend to tidy up the room or tell their friend that it is not acceptable to be unkind or unfriendly. They still need to be accountable for their own actions.

Children might project their own anxieties or fears on to the imaginary friend, so it is probably worthwhile for parents to listen to the conversations and pick up clues about what the child is currently thinking or feeling.

As much as parents want to encourage their children to achieve academic and sporting success, they should be eager to encourage the development of their child’s language, critical thinking skills and imagination, all of which are developed with imaginative/ pretend play of all sorts. Parents should provide lots of opportunities for children to explore books and play imaginatively with dress-up items and play along with their children.

Although children know that their imaginary friend is not real, if they become withdrawn and do not interact socially with others, it might be time to seek professional help. This would also apply if the imaginary friend is aggressive, depressed or anxious.

So it seems to be the consensus that if a child has an imaginary friend, just relax, be happy that your child has a good imagination and know that it is not only normal, but good for your child’s overall creative development .

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Be mindful of mental health: building wellness, resilience, action and purpose in our families

By Laura Barrett • October 10, 2025

By Laura Barrett, Intern Counselling Psychologist at Trinityhouse Glenvista Each year on 10 October , the world pauses to recognise World Mental Health Day, a reminder that mental well-being is not just an individual concern, but a shared responsibility among families, schools, and communities. As an Educational Psychologist working closely with children and families, I have seen first-hand how early conversations about mental health can change the course of a young person’s life. When emotional well-being is acknowledged and nurtured from a young age, children are better equipped to handle life’s challenges with confidence and resilience. Why conversations about mental health matter? Mental health is not a “grown-up” topic, it’s a human one. If children are not taught about emotions and coping mechanisms early on, they may grow into adults who struggle to manage stress, relationships, or change. Talking openly about feelings, naming emotions, and learning healthy coping strategies are all part of developing emotional literacy. These are the tools that help children and adults stay grounded through the ups and downs of life. At Trinityhouse, together with the world earlier this year, we explored the WRAP framework: Wellness, Resilience, Action and Purpose, a simple yet powerful approach to supporting children’s mental well-being. Each pillar plays a role in creating emotional stability and balance, not only for children but also for the families guiding them. Wellness begins with the basics. Adequate sleep, good nutrition, hydration, and rest may sound simple, but they lay the foundation for emotional regulation. A well-rested, nourished child is far more likely to cope effectively with daily stressors. Being mindful of mental health also involves small, practical steps like taking a few deep breaths before a stressful test or stretching during homework breaks. For adults, this might mean pausing for a cup of tea, taking a short walk, or simply naming what you’re feeling in the moment. Labelling emotions (“I feel anxious about this meeting”) helps calm the mind and re-engage rational thinking. Resilience isn’t about “always being strong.” It’s about learning to recover and grow after setbacks. Parents and teachers can nurture resilience by giving children space to express their struggles without judgement, then helping them explore possible solutions. When a child faces disappointment, a poor test result or a conflict with a friend, remind them of times they’ve overcome challenges before. Ask: “What helped you last time?” This reflective process empowers children to see themselves as capable problem-solvers, rather than passive victims of circumstance. Positive mental health requires active engagement, not just awareness. For families, this can mean creating calm, structured environments where children feel safe and heard. The Positive Parenting framework offers five helpful practices to support this: Empathy : Validate your child’s emotions instead of dismissing them. “I can see you’re upset about your toy” goes further than “Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal.” Positive Reinforcement : Celebrate effort and progress, no matter how small. A star chart or extra family time can be simple yet powerful motivators. Consistent Boundaries : Predictable routines and clear consequences make children feel secure. Boundaries should be calm, firm, and fair. Open Communication : Create family moments for honest sharing. Ask, “What was the best part of your day?” and really listen to the answer. Co-regulation : Young children often mirror their parents’ emotions. When you model calmness through deep breathing or gentle reassurance you teach them to regulate their own feelings. A sense of purpose is vital for both adults and children. It gives meaning to our actions and connects us to something larger than ourselves. Encourage children to explore hobbies and interests that bring them joy and fulfilment, whether it’s art, sport, volunteering, or spending time outdoors. These pursuits help build identity, confidence, and belonging. For parents, purpose can come from nurturing both their children’s and their own mental health. The saying “You cannot pour from an empty cup” is particularly true here. When parents take care of themselves, physically, mentally, and emotionally, they model balance and self-respect for their children. Recognising when a child is struggling Even with the best support, children can experience emotional challenges. Warning signs may include withdrawal from friends, sudden changes in sleep or appetite, irritability, or declining motivation. These can indicate stress, anxiety, or burnout. If you notice these signs, open a gentle conversation: “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately. Would you like to talk about it?” Sometimes, simply being heard is the first step toward healing. Continuing the conversation The most inspiring shift in recent years is how openly young people now speak about mental health. Many no longer see anxiety, sadness, or stress as weaknesses but as part of the human experience. This honesty offers hope for a more empathetic, emotionally literate generation. On this World Mental Health Day , let’s extend that conversation beyond schools and into our homes. Let’s practise a WRAP culture together by building Wellness, Resilience, Action and Purpose not only in our children’s lives but in our own. At Trinityhouse , we believe education extends beyond academics, it’s about nurturing the heart and mind. By fostering open dialogue, emotional awareness, and resilience, we aim to create an environment where every child feels seen, supported, and empowered to thrive. When families make mental health a daily priority, we don’t just raise stronger children, we raise a kinder, calmer and more connected generation.

Helping your child make smart subject choices: a guide for South African parents

September 10, 2025

One of the most significant academic decisions your child will make in their school career is which subjects to select. For many South African families, it can feel like a daunting task filled with pressure, uncertainty, and long-term consequences. But with the right support, tools, and guidance, parents can help their children make well-informed decisions that set them up for future success, both academically and professionally. The foundation of good subject choices lies in understanding your child’s academic ability and current performance. Subjects like Mathematics, Physical Sciences, and Accounting require solid results in Grade 9 and a strong grasp of key concepts. Similarly, subjects like Engineering Graphics & Design (EGD) or Visual Arts cater to students with practical and creative aptitudes. Consider your child’s learning style: do they prefer theory, or do they thrive with hands-on learning? Although, it is normal to want what’s best for your child’s future, you should not force them to live up to your ideal of success. Rather initiate conversations about possible careers or areas of interest and explore how different subjects align with those pathways. Platforms like YENZA Careers are incredibly helpful in this regard. YENZA uses psychometric assessments to offer realistic subject recommendations based on your child’s strengths, interests, and potential career matches, and it gives parents access to the results too. “Choosing the right subjects is a balance of academic ability, interest, and long-term thinking,” says Sumari Purdon , Head of Academics for Trinityhouse Schools. “We encourage families to use this opportunity to start meaningful conversations about the future, with support from tools like YENZA and input from educators who know the student well.”