The Curfew: Why is it Important? | Trinityhouse Randpark Ridge

Clare Pretorius (Senior Deputy Principal of Trinityhouse Randpark Ridge) • April 16, 2019
hands holding a watch

 

Why Do Parents Set Curfews for Teens?

 


 

In times of both peace and unrest, the use of a curfew has ensured safety and control for “the people” and also those in authority. Putting a curfew in place for children and young adults serves a similar purpose. This topic, while controversial, is one that parents and guardians still find merit in, despite the popular, modern trend to be more lenient rather than restrictive.



The Practical Benefits of a Curfew at Home


Curfews apply to
children of all ages, and this extends to teens and young adults still living at home. There are several reasons that a curfew is an effective and valid parenting tool. One of the more “selfish” reasons a curfew can be considered is the fact that if there is a curfew in place it allows the parents to better plan their lives by applying times that suit them; and that the parents are not kept up waiting all night for a young person to return home! Knowing that parents require you home at a certain time will also enhance your sensitivity to the needs of others; resulting in social courtesy. This courtesy makes for a far more manageable household.

Curfews and Teen Safety: More Than Just Rules

 


On a less flippant note; a curfew assists in ensuring the safety of our young people. Often, it is not how our children behave that worries us as parents, but rather how others behave. Certain times of day/night may be considered safer than others and so adhering to a curfew could assist in keeping your young person in a safe environment during those more risky times. In addition to this, a young person who is required to leave at a certain time will often be able use his/her curfew as a reason not to engage in certain behaviour or not to go somewhere where he/she is not comfortable. This is a very useful tool that they will have at their disposal and may allow them to bow out of an unwanted situation gracefully. Curfews have been helpful in ensuring the safety of our young people from behaviours such as drinking, drugs, promiscuity and violence. In a day and age where there are so many threats to a young person’s safety, we need to be using every tool at our disposal.

 

Structure, Discipline, and the Teenage Brain

 


Although most teenagers would deny it; something they yearn for is structure and a level of discipline. To a young person a complete lack of structure and discipline could equate to a lack of caring. It is a time in their lives when they are being bombarded from every side with new things to do and try and there is pressure from every sphere of their lives. Trying to balance school, sport, a social life and so on takes some doing. A parent can really assist if they put a curfew in place for the sake of the child’s busy schedule. This allows the child to form good habits and take responsibility for his/her schedule. Learning to work towards -and around- a curfew, and learning the importance of being on time is a vital skill so many of us have lost. Surprisingly, adherence to a curfew is so much more than a simple disciplinary step taken by parents. Once a child becomes accustomed to it, he/she will find that the same discipline applies to studying/personal relationships and general work ethic.


Curfews Should Be Fair and Flexible

 


It is obviously important to ensure that the curfew is reasonable, manageable and indeed, that it is appropriate and valid. It is not to be used as part of an autocratic style of parenting, but rather as a tool that benefits all members of the family. Often negotiation between parent and child will allow for some interesting discussions. Negotiating a curfew will also allow the child to feel his/her opinion is taken into consideration. Ultimately, of course, the decision needs to be that of the parent. The negotiation of a “curfew discretion” needs to be considered by parents too where the child is perhaps participating in something out of the ordinary. There needs to be a degree of give and take around curfew times.


The Limits of Curfews in Shaping Teen Behaviour

 


While the setting of a curfew is a powerful and meaningful tool to add to your arsenal as a parent, there are some limitations that need to be taken into consideration. This is not a means to yield power over a young person, rather something that should enhance your relationship of mutual trust. Simply setting a curfew will also not change poor behaviour miraculously either. It might curb some behaviours, but parenting is so much more complicated than just the issue of being home on time.


Final Thoughts: Are Curfews Still Relevant Today?

 


Going back to the historical reason for curfews in society (that of ensuring safety and control), I think that if one can do anything to ensure the safety of our children in a world where that has become increasingly difficult;
we should be doing it .

 

By Laura Barrett October 10, 2025
By Laura Barrett, Intern Counselling Psychologist at Trinityhouse Glenvista Each year on 10 October , the world pauses to recognise World Mental Health Day, a reminder that mental well-being is not just an individual concern, but a shared responsibility among families, schools, and communities. As an Educational Psychologist working closely with children and families, I have seen first-hand how early conversations about mental health can change the course of a young person’s life. When emotional well-being is acknowledged and nurtured from a young age, children are better equipped to handle life’s challenges with confidence and resilience. Why conversations about mental health matter? Mental health is not a “grown-up” topic, it’s a human one. If children are not taught about emotions and coping mechanisms early on, they may grow into adults who struggle to manage stress, relationships, or change. Talking openly about feelings, naming emotions, and learning healthy coping strategies are all part of developing emotional literacy. These are the tools that help children and adults stay grounded through the ups and downs of life. At Trinityhouse, together with the world earlier this year, we explored the WRAP framework: Wellness, Resilience, Action and Purpose, a simple yet powerful approach to supporting children’s mental well-being. Each pillar plays a role in creating emotional stability and balance, not only for children but also for the families guiding them. Wellness begins with the basics. Adequate sleep, good nutrition, hydration, and rest may sound simple, but they lay the foundation for emotional regulation. A well-rested, nourished child is far more likely to cope effectively with daily stressors. Being mindful of mental health also involves small, practical steps like taking a few deep breaths before a stressful test or stretching during homework breaks. For adults, this might mean pausing for a cup of tea, taking a short walk, or simply naming what you’re feeling in the moment. Labelling emotions (“I feel anxious about this meeting”) helps calm the mind and re-engage rational thinking. Resilience isn’t about “always being strong.” It’s about learning to recover and grow after setbacks. Parents and teachers can nurture resilience by giving children space to express their struggles without judgement, then helping them explore possible solutions. When a child faces disappointment, a poor test result or a conflict with a friend, remind them of times they’ve overcome challenges before. Ask: “What helped you last time?” This reflective process empowers children to see themselves as capable problem-solvers, rather than passive victims of circumstance. Positive mental health requires active engagement, not just awareness. For families, this can mean creating calm, structured environments where children feel safe and heard. The Positive Parenting framework offers five helpful practices to support this: Empathy : Validate your child’s emotions instead of dismissing them. “I can see you’re upset about your toy” goes further than “Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal.” Positive Reinforcement : Celebrate effort and progress, no matter how small. A star chart or extra family time can be simple yet powerful motivators. Consistent Boundaries : Predictable routines and clear consequences make children feel secure. Boundaries should be calm, firm, and fair. Open Communication : Create family moments for honest sharing. Ask, “What was the best part of your day?” and really listen to the answer. Co-regulation : Young children often mirror their parents’ emotions. When you model calmness through deep breathing or gentle reassurance you teach them to regulate their own feelings. A sense of purpose is vital for both adults and children. It gives meaning to our actions and connects us to something larger than ourselves. Encourage children to explore hobbies and interests that bring them joy and fulfilment, whether it’s art, sport, volunteering, or spending time outdoors. These pursuits help build identity, confidence, and belonging. For parents, purpose can come from nurturing both their children’s and their own mental health. The saying “You cannot pour from an empty cup” is particularly true here. When parents take care of themselves, physically, mentally, and emotionally, they model balance and self-respect for their children. Recognising when a child is struggling Even with the best support, children can experience emotional challenges. Warning signs may include withdrawal from friends, sudden changes in sleep or appetite, irritability, or declining motivation. These can indicate stress, anxiety, or burnout. If you notice these signs, open a gentle conversation: “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately. Would you like to talk about it?” Sometimes, simply being heard is the first step toward healing. Continuing the conversation The most inspiring shift in recent years is how openly young people now speak about mental health. Many no longer see anxiety, sadness, or stress as weaknesses but as part of the human experience. This honesty offers hope for a more empathetic, emotionally literate generation. On this World Mental Health Day , let’s extend that conversation beyond schools and into our homes. Let’s practise a WRAP culture together by building Wellness, Resilience, Action and Purpose not only in our children’s lives but in our own. At Trinityhouse , we believe education extends beyond academics, it’s about nurturing the heart and mind. By fostering open dialogue, emotional awareness, and resilience, we aim to create an environment where every child feels seen, supported, and empowered to thrive. When families make mental health a daily priority, we don’t just raise stronger children, we raise a kinder, calmer and more connected generation.
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