Praising Children | Trinityhouse Pre-Primary Schools

Barbara Eaton (Academic Development Coordinator of ADvTECH Pre-Primary Schools) • April 5, 2019

The question we ask on this subject should not be, should we praise young children but how should we praise young children?

When our babies begin to demonstrate skills such as sitting, crawling, walking and feeding themselves, we show huge excitement and pleasure and encourage them to repeat the skill for daddy, auntie etc. We say things like, ‘Good boy!’ As they grow and begin to learn shape sorting, turning the pages of a book, helping with the dusting, we continue the praise by saying things like, “What a clever boy you are for finding the circles”. ”You are such a clever girl to ride your trike like that”. Thus begins the habit of praising the child for being clever, pretty, strong, etc. and this can be detrimental because we need to praise a child for effort, perseverance and grit, not for natural endowments.

As the child enters Play School/Pre-Primary parents will be greeted at the end of the school day with a selection of sticky boxes, brown paintings and half chewed baking. (If you are presented with coloured-in pictures or worksheets, you have chosen the wrong school!) Back to the messy art-work; your response here should be something like the following:

• ‘Gosh, I can see you worked hard on this picture, can you tell me about it?’
• ‘I see that the colours all turned brown, what colours did you start with? What do you think happened with the colours?’
• ‘That biscuit looks interesting, tell me how you made it?’
• ‘You even have sand in your hair; you must have dug really deep in the sandpit.”

A response that does not encourage thought or future effort, and one that may make your child mistrust your judgement, would be, “That’s lovely darling.” It can easily discourage the child from future effort if they feel they may not be able to reach this standard again, or worse, they know you are lying.

We can also create praise junkies if we are too liberal in the praise given. The child just seeks praise for the slightest thing and thus effort decreases. I have seen this in a Grade 0 class when a child seeks teacher’s approval for every small thing they do.

In everything your child achieves or needs recognition for, try and focus on the effort, perseverance or the learning that has taken place and be realistic but kind. From an early age children need to understand that effort, perseverance and courage in the face of difficulty are praiseworthy. Praising natural ability and intelligence does not raise a child’s self-esteem. Praise must reflect real achievement and be authentic.
When it comes to behaviour, praise what you want to be repeated. “I really liked the way you sat still through our meal. Thank you”. “I was so proud of the way you thanked Auntie Betty for having you for tea. I could see that she really liked your good manners.”

As well as learning to praise your child, knowing how to correct is just as important. Modern life seems to focus so much on success at everything, that failure and mistakes are considered to be disasters. Not getting something right the first time is an ideal opportunity to teach children to reflect on the reasons it did not work and to plan how they will do it differently next time. Stories of overnight success are seldom true and even young children need to learn the value of trying again and planning differently.

A reflective comment from a parent such as, “I’m sorry your science project did not work when you worked so hard on it, how do you think you could build it differently next time? If a child struggles constantly at any activity, the activity needs to be moderated so that success is possible. Small steps in achievement and growth should be the aim.

Naturally bright children do not necessarily achieve the best in schools. Those who have had authentic and honest praise, who understand that achievement needs motivation and determination, will go far, even if they do not find learning easy. Achievement is a marathon, not a sprint. This mind-set can begin from toddlerhood.

Grit is a term seldom used in these days of helicoptering parents. Grit is one of the abilities we have, based on cognitive control, and this can be taught. Children need to understand how their brains work and with technology we have, they can be shown how brains react to different stimuli and how working hard and persevering will develop their brains. As they get older they need to know that the ability to learn is not fixed and can be constantly developed through perseverance and practice. ‘I can get better when I try harder’. ‘My intelligence grows with effort’. Teach children to approach life and work with a growth mind-set rather than simply praising whatever they do.

So what is the goal when it comes to encouraging children? Keep in mind your long-term goals for them and watch for the effects of what you say. Ultimately, you want to encourage your children to be self-motivated and to embrace challenge, and that means not making them dependent on praise. When they reach the world of varsity and work, there will be no one praising their every move and if they have become used to this from home, life will be tough.

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Be mindful of mental health: building wellness, resilience, action and purpose in our families

By Laura Barrett • October 10, 2025

By Laura Barrett, Intern Counselling Psychologist at Trinityhouse Glenvista Each year on 10 October , the world pauses to recognise World Mental Health Day, a reminder that mental well-being is not just an individual concern, but a shared responsibility among families, schools, and communities. As an Educational Psychologist working closely with children and families, I have seen first-hand how early conversations about mental health can change the course of a young person’s life. When emotional well-being is acknowledged and nurtured from a young age, children are better equipped to handle life’s challenges with confidence and resilience. Why conversations about mental health matter? Mental health is not a “grown-up” topic, it’s a human one. If children are not taught about emotions and coping mechanisms early on, they may grow into adults who struggle to manage stress, relationships, or change. Talking openly about feelings, naming emotions, and learning healthy coping strategies are all part of developing emotional literacy. These are the tools that help children and adults stay grounded through the ups and downs of life. At Trinityhouse, together with the world earlier this year, we explored the WRAP framework: Wellness, Resilience, Action and Purpose, a simple yet powerful approach to supporting children’s mental well-being. Each pillar plays a role in creating emotional stability and balance, not only for children but also for the families guiding them. Wellness begins with the basics. Adequate sleep, good nutrition, hydration, and rest may sound simple, but they lay the foundation for emotional regulation. A well-rested, nourished child is far more likely to cope effectively with daily stressors. Being mindful of mental health also involves small, practical steps like taking a few deep breaths before a stressful test or stretching during homework breaks. For adults, this might mean pausing for a cup of tea, taking a short walk, or simply naming what you’re feeling in the moment. Labelling emotions (“I feel anxious about this meeting”) helps calm the mind and re-engage rational thinking. Resilience isn’t about “always being strong.” It’s about learning to recover and grow after setbacks. Parents and teachers can nurture resilience by giving children space to express their struggles without judgement, then helping them explore possible solutions. When a child faces disappointment, a poor test result or a conflict with a friend, remind them of times they’ve overcome challenges before. Ask: “What helped you last time?” This reflective process empowers children to see themselves as capable problem-solvers, rather than passive victims of circumstance. Positive mental health requires active engagement, not just awareness. For families, this can mean creating calm, structured environments where children feel safe and heard. The Positive Parenting framework offers five helpful practices to support this: Empathy : Validate your child’s emotions instead of dismissing them. “I can see you’re upset about your toy” goes further than “Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal.” Positive Reinforcement : Celebrate effort and progress, no matter how small. A star chart or extra family time can be simple yet powerful motivators. Consistent Boundaries : Predictable routines and clear consequences make children feel secure. Boundaries should be calm, firm, and fair. Open Communication : Create family moments for honest sharing. Ask, “What was the best part of your day?” and really listen to the answer. Co-regulation : Young children often mirror their parents’ emotions. When you model calmness through deep breathing or gentle reassurance you teach them to regulate their own feelings. A sense of purpose is vital for both adults and children. It gives meaning to our actions and connects us to something larger than ourselves. Encourage children to explore hobbies and interests that bring them joy and fulfilment, whether it’s art, sport, volunteering, or spending time outdoors. These pursuits help build identity, confidence, and belonging. For parents, purpose can come from nurturing both their children’s and their own mental health. The saying “You cannot pour from an empty cup” is particularly true here. When parents take care of themselves, physically, mentally, and emotionally, they model balance and self-respect for their children. Recognising when a child is struggling Even with the best support, children can experience emotional challenges. Warning signs may include withdrawal from friends, sudden changes in sleep or appetite, irritability, or declining motivation. These can indicate stress, anxiety, or burnout. If you notice these signs, open a gentle conversation: “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately. Would you like to talk about it?” Sometimes, simply being heard is the first step toward healing. Continuing the conversation The most inspiring shift in recent years is how openly young people now speak about mental health. Many no longer see anxiety, sadness, or stress as weaknesses but as part of the human experience. This honesty offers hope for a more empathetic, emotionally literate generation. On this World Mental Health Day , let’s extend that conversation beyond schools and into our homes. Let’s practise a WRAP culture together by building Wellness, Resilience, Action and Purpose not only in our children’s lives but in our own. At Trinityhouse , we believe education extends beyond academics, it’s about nurturing the heart and mind. By fostering open dialogue, emotional awareness, and resilience, we aim to create an environment where every child feels seen, supported, and empowered to thrive. When families make mental health a daily priority, we don’t just raise stronger children, we raise a kinder, calmer and more connected generation.

Helping your child make smart subject choices: a guide for South African parents

September 10, 2025

One of the most significant academic decisions your child will make in their school career is which subjects to select. For many South African families, it can feel like a daunting task filled with pressure, uncertainty, and long-term consequences. But with the right support, tools, and guidance, parents can help their children make well-informed decisions that set them up for future success, both academically and professionally. The foundation of good subject choices lies in understanding your child’s academic ability and current performance. Subjects like Mathematics, Physical Sciences, and Accounting require solid results in Grade 9 and a strong grasp of key concepts. Similarly, subjects like Engineering Graphics & Design (EGD) or Visual Arts cater to students with practical and creative aptitudes. Consider your child’s learning style: do they prefer theory, or do they thrive with hands-on learning? Although, it is normal to want what’s best for your child’s future, you should not force them to live up to your ideal of success. Rather initiate conversations about possible careers or areas of interest and explore how different subjects align with those pathways. Platforms like YENZA Careers are incredibly helpful in this regard. YENZA uses psychometric assessments to offer realistic subject recommendations based on your child’s strengths, interests, and potential career matches, and it gives parents access to the results too. “Choosing the right subjects is a balance of academic ability, interest, and long-term thinking,” says Sumari Purdon , Head of Academics for Trinityhouse Schools. “We encourage families to use this opportunity to start meaningful conversations about the future, with support from tools like YENZA and input from educators who know the student well.”