How to Get the Best Out of Your Children | Trinityhouse Schools

Barbara Eaton (Academic Development Coordinator of ADvTECH Pre-Primary Schools) • March 1, 2019

The aim of raising children is to produce independent, capable and collaborative adults who can communicate well, exhibit self-control, show good manners and empathy for their fellows. In addition, we want creative, innovative, life-long learners. So how do we do this and get the very best out of our most precious possessions?

Show them and tell them that you love them. Fill their love tank:
This sounds so obvious but while most parents love their children, they do not express that love through physical affection, especially once the child begins to resist those hugs and kisses in an embarrassed manner. Children of any age need plenty of physical affection, combined with verbal expression and positive affirmation. (But best not in front of peers after age 8 plus for boys!) Tell them of your love and show appreciation, “I just loved it when you helped me wash up/cook the dinner/lay the table. Thank you” If parents learn to notice the good and show affection and appreciation, the child will feel loved, learn to be positive and will not use negative behaviour to attract attention.

Pray together
It has never been more important for families to pray together. When you pray together, each member of the family learns what it means to be intimate with God. Prayer is the foundation of your Christian home and is one of the best ways to help your family thrive. Remember that prayer is about relationship, and relationship is something you can’t force, so keep your early approaches to family prayer as light and casual as possible. Start around the dinner table, go on your knees with your three-year-old and let times of prayer and thanksgiving flow out of sharing your joys. When you see answers to prayer, you experience His Love and His Presence in your daily lives. For this reason, there’s no time like the present to introduce your children to the joy and excitement of prayer.

Boundaries
Children feel safe when they have boundaries. Have weekly family meetings, even with children as young as 3, and discuss and formulate your family rules. The whole family agrees to abide by the rules, such as speaking respectfully to each other and keeping your room tidy. Write them out and stick them on the fridge. Agree on the consequences for breaking rules. Use your meetings to plan outings, holidays etc., as well as to talk about behaviour and chores. Teenagers will always balk at rules, but are more likely to comply if they helped to make them in a loving and supportive family environment. All our sports and work environments have rules so don’t be afraid of having them in your family!

Children need your time:
Modern life is challenging for parents with the morning rush to school and work and then the homework, dinner and bedtime routines to get through in the evenings. There seems so little time to just relax and play with the children but this is absolutely essential to their well-being. Schedule a time for ball games, walks, playing board games, reading together and just chatting, with phones switched off. Notice TV and tablets are not mentioned. The latter are not true social activities and do not encourage children to learn to make eye contact, read facial expressions or manage the give and take of doing things with others. By all means use a video link when you are apart, but this is not a substitute for you.

Acknowledging feelings:
There are so many more emotions than happy and sad and children learn to identify and manage their feelings by example. If dad yells and throws things when he loses his keys, the children will see this as acceptable behaviour. After all, dad is their hero and they will emulate him. It’s okay to be angry, but children must learn how to express it appropriately from their role models. Acknowledge feelings verbally, such as, “I can see you are upset because your friend didn’t play with you today. Let’s talk about how you can deal with that.” Give the child autonomy to make a plan and try it out. Phoning the child’s mother or teacher shows the child that you do not trust him to solve his own problems. This leads to dependence and you do not want your university child to be constantly expecting you to sort out his life!

Encourage independence:
By the end of pre-school your child should be able to dress, bath, tidy their room and toys, put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket and have simple daily chores such as laying the table. Some even feel that an eight-year-old should know how to sort laundry and load the washing machine. Independence and chores must increase with age, even if you have domestic help. It is not the parent’s job to lay out clothes for the next day or pack the school bag. You can help by being organised yourself and set an example, but you also have to show your child how to do a task, let them practise it, and give support if needed, before expecting it to be done properly. Living in an organised home and having some responsibility for it will support the child at school. He will be able to plan his desk, school work and locker space and not work in a constant mess. “Tidy as you go” is a good habit to encourage.

Children need to play with their peers
From the age of four, playing with peers, without interference from adults, is as essential as food to a child’s well-being. Through play, they learn to assert their needs while meeting those of their playmates. Friends just quit the game when a child is too demanding so children learn to sublimate their needs and pay attention to others. This is the most important skill that children need for life, marriage and the work place, none of which will allow you to have all your own way. With other children they have authentic communication and practise true independence. They negotiate what and how to play, they discuss and create rules. They modify rules as they play and become more creative as they experiment with variations. “Constant adult supervision and interference has been attributed to rising anxiety levels and depression in teens and young adults. (Gray P 2011.) Yes, you do have to keep an eye on safety, but don’t remove all challenges and do give them privacy. Read your book or cook with the door open but don’t organise the play or hover. Don’t over organise children in extra-murals, they do not substitute for free play.

“Children need to play out the norms of their society, and test them, often violating the rules, but this encourages the practise of courage and independence.” Gray P. 2012 Freedom to Learn.

With the lack of safe places to congregate, teenagers have turned to the internet for their ‘play’ with peers. Here you have to teach them on-line safety and impose some restrictions but they need this space to share thoughts and feelings in privacy.

Grit, perseverance and the ability to delay gratification
Today we are seeing a generation less likely to stick to tasks or to persevere in the face of difficulty. The finest inventions have been created because the inventors tried and tried again in the face of failure. Edison tried 1000 times before he created the light bulb. Children need to learn that not everything comes easily and effort and perseverance is necessary. Don’t allow them to constantly change activities when they hit a bump. Praise effort not results. Not every child is an A student but with hard work, everyone can reach their own potential.

Help them learn to delay gratification by not providing everything on demand. From age five, expect them to do small tasks to earn points towards a desired toy and later they can save a reasonable contribution from their pocket money. Don’t replace lost school items instantly, but if you have to, deduct pocket money afterwards. Schoolwork becomes more demanding by matric and the child who is able to delay gratification and persevere to do the studying required, will do well.

Teach money sense:
This has been touched on above, but if you start the habit of spending one third, saving one third and giving one third to charity, your child will develop money sense and learn to plan and budget for his ‘wants’. It is the parent’s job to provide the ‘needs’. If the family understand the share market, a twelve-year-old can be introduced to it and learn from an early age how to invest and grow their income. Your child will be more equipped for adulthood and be able to make sensible financial decisions. If he has learned to save some pocket money regularly, he may be close to buying a car as he leaves school.

Food and Exercise:
Our modern life encourages everything to be fast but not our bodies, which are becoming more and more sedentary. Here too, setting an example is vital. Taking walks as a family, using the gym, swimming or playing games in the garden sets a habit of activity that should take them through to adulthood. Exercise releases the ‘happy’ hormones, endorphins and serotonin, so screen time needs to be limited, even for the socializing teenagers. Children who have regular exercise also cope better in class and are less likely to become obese. This brings us to eating habits.

Teaching healthy eating habits is something that starts from weaning time and also requires role models at home. You can’t say no to chips and coke if dad is having them. Fast food should be an occasional convenience meal and sweets should be one or two after a meal, sometimes, not the whole packet daily. Don’t use either of these as a reward or children will crave them. Teachers should not use sweets as a reward either! Cut out the fruit juices and fizzy drinks in favor of water and make vegetables and fruit a bigger part of the diet than carbs. Children who eat properly have better concentration and don’t have energy slums. This leads to better school results. Pack sensible lunch boxes and don’t rely on tuck shops unless the school has strict policies about what may be sold.

Life Long Learning and problem solving
Once again, this is modelled by caregivers. Enjoy documentaries and good books with the children, model reading yourself, watch the news and discuss it, have conversations at meal times that involve expressing opinions on topics of interest and take courses to improve your own learning. View problems as challenges and demonstrate how you solve them. Stand back when your children encounter challenges and allow them the opportunity to try their own solutions.

Getting the best from your childrenis at least a twenty-one-year process. It takes planning, patience, dedication, commitment and love but the results are so worthwhile.

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Be mindful of mental health: building wellness, resilience, action and purpose in our families

By Laura Barrett • October 10, 2025

By Laura Barrett, Intern Counselling Psychologist at Trinityhouse Glenvista Each year on 10 October , the world pauses to recognise World Mental Health Day, a reminder that mental well-being is not just an individual concern, but a shared responsibility among families, schools, and communities. As an Educational Psychologist working closely with children and families, I have seen first-hand how early conversations about mental health can change the course of a young person’s life. When emotional well-being is acknowledged and nurtured from a young age, children are better equipped to handle life’s challenges with confidence and resilience. Why conversations about mental health matter? Mental health is not a “grown-up” topic, it’s a human one. If children are not taught about emotions and coping mechanisms early on, they may grow into adults who struggle to manage stress, relationships, or change. Talking openly about feelings, naming emotions, and learning healthy coping strategies are all part of developing emotional literacy. These are the tools that help children and adults stay grounded through the ups and downs of life. At Trinityhouse, together with the world earlier this year, we explored the WRAP framework: Wellness, Resilience, Action and Purpose, a simple yet powerful approach to supporting children’s mental well-being. Each pillar plays a role in creating emotional stability and balance, not only for children but also for the families guiding them. Wellness begins with the basics. Adequate sleep, good nutrition, hydration, and rest may sound simple, but they lay the foundation for emotional regulation. A well-rested, nourished child is far more likely to cope effectively with daily stressors. Being mindful of mental health also involves small, practical steps like taking a few deep breaths before a stressful test or stretching during homework breaks. For adults, this might mean pausing for a cup of tea, taking a short walk, or simply naming what you’re feeling in the moment. Labelling emotions (“I feel anxious about this meeting”) helps calm the mind and re-engage rational thinking. Resilience isn’t about “always being strong.” It’s about learning to recover and grow after setbacks. Parents and teachers can nurture resilience by giving children space to express their struggles without judgement, then helping them explore possible solutions. When a child faces disappointment, a poor test result or a conflict with a friend, remind them of times they’ve overcome challenges before. Ask: “What helped you last time?” This reflective process empowers children to see themselves as capable problem-solvers, rather than passive victims of circumstance. Positive mental health requires active engagement, not just awareness. For families, this can mean creating calm, structured environments where children feel safe and heard. The Positive Parenting framework offers five helpful practices to support this: Empathy : Validate your child’s emotions instead of dismissing them. “I can see you’re upset about your toy” goes further than “Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal.” Positive Reinforcement : Celebrate effort and progress, no matter how small. A star chart or extra family time can be simple yet powerful motivators. Consistent Boundaries : Predictable routines and clear consequences make children feel secure. Boundaries should be calm, firm, and fair. Open Communication : Create family moments for honest sharing. Ask, “What was the best part of your day?” and really listen to the answer. Co-regulation : Young children often mirror their parents’ emotions. When you model calmness through deep breathing or gentle reassurance you teach them to regulate their own feelings. A sense of purpose is vital for both adults and children. It gives meaning to our actions and connects us to something larger than ourselves. Encourage children to explore hobbies and interests that bring them joy and fulfilment, whether it’s art, sport, volunteering, or spending time outdoors. These pursuits help build identity, confidence, and belonging. For parents, purpose can come from nurturing both their children’s and their own mental health. The saying “You cannot pour from an empty cup” is particularly true here. When parents take care of themselves, physically, mentally, and emotionally, they model balance and self-respect for their children. Recognising when a child is struggling Even with the best support, children can experience emotional challenges. Warning signs may include withdrawal from friends, sudden changes in sleep or appetite, irritability, or declining motivation. These can indicate stress, anxiety, or burnout. If you notice these signs, open a gentle conversation: “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately. Would you like to talk about it?” Sometimes, simply being heard is the first step toward healing. Continuing the conversation The most inspiring shift in recent years is how openly young people now speak about mental health. Many no longer see anxiety, sadness, or stress as weaknesses but as part of the human experience. This honesty offers hope for a more empathetic, emotionally literate generation. On this World Mental Health Day , let’s extend that conversation beyond schools and into our homes. Let’s practise a WRAP culture together by building Wellness, Resilience, Action and Purpose not only in our children’s lives but in our own. At Trinityhouse , we believe education extends beyond academics, it’s about nurturing the heart and mind. By fostering open dialogue, emotional awareness, and resilience, we aim to create an environment where every child feels seen, supported, and empowered to thrive. When families make mental health a daily priority, we don’t just raise stronger children, we raise a kinder, calmer and more connected generation.

Helping your child make smart subject choices: a guide for South African parents

September 10, 2025

One of the most significant academic decisions your child will make in their school career is which subjects to select. For many South African families, it can feel like a daunting task filled with pressure, uncertainty, and long-term consequences. But with the right support, tools, and guidance, parents can help their children make well-informed decisions that set them up for future success, both academically and professionally. The foundation of good subject choices lies in understanding your child’s academic ability and current performance. Subjects like Mathematics, Physical Sciences, and Accounting require solid results in Grade 9 and a strong grasp of key concepts. Similarly, subjects like Engineering Graphics & Design (EGD) or Visual Arts cater to students with practical and creative aptitudes. Consider your child’s learning style: do they prefer theory, or do they thrive with hands-on learning? Although, it is normal to want what’s best for your child’s future, you should not force them to live up to your ideal of success. Rather initiate conversations about possible careers or areas of interest and explore how different subjects align with those pathways. Platforms like YENZA Careers are incredibly helpful in this regard. YENZA uses psychometric assessments to offer realistic subject recommendations based on your child’s strengths, interests, and potential career matches, and it gives parents access to the results too. “Choosing the right subjects is a balance of academic ability, interest, and long-term thinking,” says Sumari Purdon , Head of Academics for Trinityhouse Schools. “We encourage families to use this opportunity to start meaningful conversations about the future, with support from tools like YENZA and input from educators who know the student well.”